I recently came across this quote from Mandy Hale, The Single Woman, and it got me thinking about what it means to be single and confident. Mandy says, “Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” As someone who is in their 30’s and single (and never been married), there are two things that sadden me about other women when it comes to their relationships.
The first is women who are miserable in their relationships, but would rather be stuck in a bad place than risk being alone and single.
The second is women who are single, but stress continually that they are not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, or just plain not enough to find someone.
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Here’s what I want to tell both groups. First, read Mandy Hale’s book, I’ve Never Been to Vegas, but My Luggage Has: Mishaps and Miracles on the Road to Happily Ever After, because it really helped me think of my singleness as a journey I’m privileged to be on and learn from, rather than a reflection of my value as a person. Second, being single is not a bad thing. You don’t need to stay in a bad relationship just so you can have someone to validate you. And you don’t need to spend your life thinking you’re not good enough because you’re not in a relationship. Don’t stay stuck, go be single and confident!!
BELIEVE in yourself. I think for so many women, we feel that the only way we are good enough is that if other people tell us we are. Particularly, a significant other. But if you want to be single and confident, you need to believe in yourself! Believe that you are awesome. Believe that you are enough.
LIVE life right now. Don’t wait until you’re in an ideal relationship to pursue your dreams, cross things off your bucket list and set big goals. Go and do those things right now! If you’ve always wanted to travel to Spain, go book a flight! If you’ve always wanted to learn karate, go sign up for a class! When you are intentional about living life right now, you will stress less about your relationship status and focus on how amazing you are. Bonus: When someone asks you (because they always ask you!) why you’re still single you can respond with the very satisfying answer of, “I’m still single because I’m so busy being awesome, learning karate and traveling to Spain that I don’t have time for mediocre relationships!”
EMBRACE your emotions. It’s okay if you have days when you’re a bit down because you wish you were in a relationship. Embrace the emotion and take a minute to be sad. But don’t wallow it! And it’s okay if you have days when you’re glad you’re single because you are free to do whatever you want. Don’t feel guilty, but take some time to celebrate that for this season of life you have full control of your calendar! The key is to not hide your emotions and pretend that everything is picture perfect 100% of the time. Embrace that you have good days, bad days and normal days.
COMPARE yourself to yourself. Don’t spend time comparing yourself to other people. It’s an endless cycle of never feeling like you’re enough, so just don’t go there! Instead, compare yourself to yourself. Are you closer to your goals than you were a year ago? Are you kinder than you were a year ago? Where do you want to be a year from now?
And while I’m fully embracing my current stage of singleness, if you have a single brother, friend or cousin, let me know! Just know that if he does any of these things, he’s not getting a second date!